From Impasse To Freedom
What happens when our life is held captive by a never ending replay of toxic relationships, inside an environment zapping the "very" life out of us? What happens when drama makes the front-page of our daily lives?
We are messing up our lives, "hypnotic sabotaging." Does this ring any bells? Rings my bells...
We swear to never get back into another draining relationship. We know better now, don't we? We can "read" the signs! Well, regardless of our best intentions we do it again, and again, and again. Why?
Our ingrained beliefs and our compulsive reactions become a reflection of the only way (but not necessarily the best way!) we know how to choose and interact. This is when repetitive patterns of behavior manifest themselves, impacting the outcome of our relationships.
Good news! Once you see it, admit it, and wonder how come you missed that , you're on your way to freedom. It will lose its grip on you.
I call it the "Hypnotic Conditioning Syndrome." ... I coined this!
"Well Look At That!! ... A Flash From The Past?"
"Nasty Sense of Déjà Vu
Déjà Vu... eight years into my first marriage, I had an experience, a powerful experience.
In an instant, it literally felt as if windows in my mind flew open. Just like that, Then, although the realization was painful, everything became clear to me. Information as to how it happened, the dynamics of it, the illusion, the fog, the why's, how to break this cycle, and more. This information was downloading in my mind so fast. I could not process it all at once.
I was living a replay of the identical emotional bamboozie set-up scenes of a past far away behind me, so I thought. And that, even though people, location, and stage where it played were different. I was seeing on the screen of my mind this marriage being a re-enactment of the unstable, unpredictable, not-to-be trusted environment including the same style of people in it.
Are you familiar with the expression "Like a deer caught in the headlights?
That's what I looked like.
Unpredictability, instability, unreliability, financial chaos, a husband denuded of ambition...a bad scene. And ... how many times had I relived these toxic relationships? Time was right for a life-inventory because, as far as I was concerned, I was going to break this cycle, period. This information? Oh yes, I knew it was true, no doubt! The good news? We can break it, and I was on my way.
Our beliefs, thinking, and values are shaped, colored, and influenced from attending the "school" of our parents, neighborhood, culture, street gangs who themselves learned from their own list of "school," while all that time, we don't know who we are.
So, in the light of having been "schooled educated and molded" at someone else's image
Who are we and where is our purpose?
No wonder, a great majority of people are looking for their purpose!
There is more than hope to overcome these chaotic relationship patterns. There are solutions, way-outs, and for those who made up their mind, are determined, the outcome will be permanent. No more. Knowledge and understanding are the keys to unlock the block. It's completely under your control to change that tune. You are in no way, shape, or form doomed.
The environment we grew up in imprints "toxic patterns." They only knows one program to play and replay, and more often than not, it's not the right one.
As our life unfolds you get a bitter taste of what sits at the driver's seat of the unhealthy life you experience.
Take my word, you can disengage from these patterns,
and you will, once you get the knowledge, understanding, you will be able to identify the red flags, and they will lose their influence...
Over time, I completely broke this toxic cycle. The more knowledge I had, the more I learned, the more I applied. The more my relationships were shifting. Has other toxic relationships presented themselves? Of course, this is call "life." The difference is that it had no power anymore. I could see the flags and that was enough for me, trust me.
Now, How Did I Break The Cycle of My Toxic Relationships?
I "Scripted" My Way Out!
One afternoon, seated outside smoking — the only place I could find peace — I asked myself a question, a question that would change the quality of my life for ever .
"Louise ... seriously, can you imagine living like this for the next twenty years? Truly ... do you? Living from paycheck to paycheck, creditors calling you right and left, anxious and living in the midst of this unstable landscape screaming "lack" everywhere?" No way, my mind replied, no way!
If you read the first section, notice the interesting replay here. I was, once more, totally left by myself to solve this riddle, to troubleshoot this drama.
This decisive "NO Way" sets something in motion. As chills were running up and down my spine making my hair stand on end. An inner voice said to me, "Everything, will be fine. You are being released of everything." A sense of stillness and peace settled in. My 6th sense could feel it. This voice ... calm, relaxed, and so reassuring was literally speaking to me.
Once the storm of my anger lifted and I could see straight, Brian had a right to be happy, but with someone more compatible with him. He only knew how to be himself in his "here and now moment." If the future was looking good for me, it could be the same for him... but without me.
Truth being bluntly said, nobody and nothing were to blame. Each one of us is responsible for the choices we make from the knowledge we have at that time. When we know better, we choose better. How freeing is this? We have never been captive of anything except by our own limited knowledge.
On a whim, I was ready to get my act together, my thoughts organized, get clear, and get out of this mess I had "created." It was time for a change of scene ...
I Rewrote My Life, One Sentence At A Time!
An inner voice drew my attention to a creative board hanging on a wall in my bedroom. I had already manifested a new car and other things that I had previously believed were out of reach for me financially.
Then, an idea bubbled up, to write a script, just like actors in a movie rehearsing one scene or act at a time. Like the actor, you rehearse it until you and this script are one ... in other words, you embody it.
However, it has much more power than an affirmation.
What If It Worked? What Could I Lose... I Had Nothing. What could I lose in giving it a shot? Nothing. I started writing each scene of my way out in the form of a script. One event at a time. With each script, the event would unfold.
I was guided on the language I needed to use to empower each segment of my script. I was shown how to work with them. How to voice and practice each statement out loud, to focus on one segment (one event) at a time, and practice each one daily. Becoming it, like an Oscar nominee playing the script of his role.
Six months later, I wrote another script, personally sold my condo at 20% above market price, and made a $37,000 net profit. Pretty good for someone who was $25K in the ditch just 55 days earlier ...
We are clueless, blindfolded. We believe we're in full control of our life, while something else, oblivious to us, is calling the shots in determining the quality of our relationships. We don't know what we don't know. And all this time, you're thinking there must be something wrong with you. Well, no, it's not you. Nothing's wrong with so you can stop repeating this dialogue in your head. Do you feel better now? See? You already feel better.
Observe how toxic relationships are formed, set themselves in as "replays" messing up our relationships, and the quality of our life!
As you read, notice the influence of the environment... stick with me!
*No worries once busted, you're on your way out!*
Once In My Life...
To this day. I've only met one person with a similar story to mine. I will call him Ron to protect his privacy.
A few days later, after meeting with Ron, his wife called me. He had stolen her wallet, the flat-screen TV, and other personal items to buy cocaine and alcohol.
Our conversation was a short-lived sixty minutes. Unfortunately he was expected somewhere else and had to leave.
Ron was trapped on his own treadmill of addiction replays — prisoner to a past no longer real except in his own mind.
Ron and I grew up on the same turf. Up until then, Ron had never met anyone who escaped this lifestyle without being impacted by some form of addiction, and living a normal life. Thank God, I was lucky enough not to have drugs and alcohol. However, I was totally surrounded by it from every possible angle. The environment I grew up in had the feel of an "inner city Detroit."
As I listened to Ron unfold segments of his story, I reconnected with this "me" who had lived this anger, resentment, retaliation. Finally, I was in front of someone who got me. He got it! What an experience that was for me.
I wanted to hear more of Ron's journey, share with him the drama, the anger, the neglect we had both experienced. From my end, there was so much to be shared, and not enough time to share it!
I was looking forward to another opportunity to speak with him. Unfortunately…I never saw Ron again.
My Teen Years - The Dark Ages ...
Saturday, December 19, 1964 ...
One week before Christmas, late afternoon ... the phone rang. My father had a massive heart attack while stacking the grocery bags stuffed with Christmas goodies into his van. He was taken to the ER where doctors tried in vain to resuscitate him. A week later, Christmas Eve, standing chilled under an icy rain storm - we buried my father.
I was 6 years old at that time ... my father had just turned 49.
My Life With My Mother Would Never Be The Same Again...
From the age of 8, and for many years to come, I would be neglected and left on my own to figure out life.
By the time I was 12, my mother and I had moved at least ten times. That's enough to enhance your ability to adapt. As I hit high school, she was five years into what is referred to as, "the world's oldest profession," and working it from home — mind you! This was her day job.
In addition to her "day job" she had a part-time evening job as a telephone operator for a restaurant chain. All this supplemented by Welfare ... on Welfare she stayed for the rest of her life.
All this information will make sense as I move forward, and the dots will connect. It didn't mean she was less irresponsible.
There were many nights, where I was left by myself in this furnished and grim one-room-and-a-bathroom apartment until the wee early hours of the morning. Despite exhaustion, I could only fall asleep holding the phone receiver in my hand while she would talk me to sleep. The very thought of something under my bed scared the bejesus out of me! I was so stressed and anxious. At 8 years old, it's a scary experience. My mother was prisoner of her own environment conditioning. She wholeheartedly believed the decisions she took were the only solutions to survive ... behaving like a hustler.
In retrospect, I can see the stream of serious irresponsible decisions she took over the years. Each poor decision was a perfect replica of the one before, colored by the same limited beliefs. My mother was the perfect example of how hypnotic conditioning takes control of your entire life, and repetitive patterns are forged.
By the Grace of God, she had no drug addiction. She used alcohol to dissociate from her chaotic lifestyle. As for me, I had no language to feel or explain what was going on more or less understanding it.
Her "profession," gave me limited access to our one bedroom, dirt-poor apartment, "frequented" by non-kosher dudes. She would stick a piece of paper to the outside door, as a "do not enter" warning. This was my code to find a place to eat, do homework (Not...), or just kill time. Thanks to my social skills (which I was unaware of at the time,) I would find something to do or place to go, which enhanced my resourcefulness.
More often than not, the back shed would be my shelter. I would wait in there until she flicked on the light as a sign it was okay to come in. In her defense, she had this system in place for my protection, to make sure that her clients would never know she had daughters.
My own battle was not with addiction,
my battle was with fear and anxiety and surviving on pure instinct...
right at the center of drugs, guns, and bank robbers.
I lived and grew up in the midst of this "state-of-the-art discombobulated landscape." No mentor to look up to, no role model to steer me in the right direction. I was left to make my own life choices and decisions, and was at the mercy of my own conditioning and a set of repetitive patterns that I would have to unload later.
Oblivious and wandering, I was surrounded by danger, lies, suspicions, instability, and emotional dramas, but especially anxiety and fear.
When Structure Is Neglected
Lies, anger, intolerance, and mistrust were starting to define me and were affecting my life. I became defensive and argumentative, and had no control or understanding about my behavior. I was living from reaction to reaction, it was not all bad, because it also had its perks ... my freedom. All I knew was the parade of pretend perks and "freedom." I was free to come and go, do as I please, go to school or not, or party all the time if I wanted to.
Temper tantrums, my mother's or mine, would flare up in a snap, creating overwhelming anxiety in me. Stomach pain was constant, leading to lengthy vomiting episodes lasting until the wee hours of the morning. These vomiting episodes would occur sometimes up to three times a month, and dogged me for years!
Despite the scars, I no longer fester with unresolved bitterness and resentment towards my mother. I have forgiven her.
Forgiveness has been a journey. I gained a better understanding of what happened. This approach to forgiveness was not the kind where we forgive to relieve our guilt and the next hour we fall back into resentment again. No. I am talking about reaching a level of real forgiveness and finding closure.
"Forgiveness is the hallway connecting the past to a peaceful and liberating future." ~ Michael Bernard Beckwith
Wake-Up Louise ... You're Lying Right Next To A Loaded Rifle ...
There's one night I will never forget. My boyfriend at the time and I had to sleep with a shotgun between us. His brother, a coke-head, was threatening to kill him. This guy was already deep into bank robbery.
I will never ever forget that night. I was afraid I was going to be killed.
Each time I moved in the bed, my skin would brush against the ice-cold steel of this shotgun. I was panicked and terrified to the point where I had chills running up my back. This, became a long, long night in the dark, not knowing if I would see the sun rise the next day.
I knew how crazy his brother was, and I was too scared for my life to sleep. Would he have killed me too? Oh yes, he would have. I was freaking out.
That was a serious wake-up call for me ... As soon as the sun rose, I got the hell out of there. I was done with this bad movie.
"I Am Ready To Be So Much More..." ~ Rickie Bernard Beckwith
With “half” a high school diploma under my armpit, the Grace of God, and a flaming ADHD disorder — never diagnosed —I managed to get hired as a legal assistant at a big law firm in downtown Montréal. My way-out ticket, I had just turned 18.
The new environment I was now exposed to, this law firm, is where I found structure for the first time in my life.
I had a working schedule, my day was organized, I was surrounded by more role models than I could wish for! It felt so right being there. At last, order was entering my life. Skills I had, although unaware of, started emerging. I realize now that the law firm's working environment was the catalyst needed for my gifts to surface.
The Pearls We Seek Are Hidden In The Dark.
You Use Them or Their Dark Side Will Use You. ~ Louise Grogan
By the time I reached my 20’s, toxic relationships were at the source of many dramas and frustrations.
True or False?
"You can take someone out of the city street, but you can't take the city street out of someone."
Oh, Yes We Can, No Question About It!
We can bring draining, toxic relationships poisoning our life and messing up our emotions to an end. Once we grasp how they work and what triggers them, something wakes up within us ... a light.
Aww, but when we finally get it...
We get it that there never was anything wrong with us, or with our genes, or that we were doomed to this life from the time we were born. The culprit was a lack of knowledge and understanding of this dynamic the kept us trapped in this draining merry-go-round of repetitive replays. Having been told or reminded that we were in another one of those toxic relationships didn't do anything for us to change that. It raised our defense walls, and argued with justifications and all. Deep down, we believed we could not possibly get better, and that whatever anyone said, they were bottom-line wrong. So we thought...
At the end of the day, as it sinks in our psyche that "Toxic Relationships" is not a tagline or street-talk, we get it even more. Toxic relationships are real. And that breaking the cycle is totally real, too. Once we get a thorough understanding of what triggers them and why, the cycle begins to break and it has less and less control over the choices we make in our relationships. The light turns on, we begin to take responsibility, do an inventory of our past relationships, and start recognizing the patterns and red flags. And we get pretty at it too! 8)
My nature is to get to the bottom of things, and I had my mind made up to get to the bottom of this one. . Could the loss of my father at so young an age, and growing-up around my mother in this Detroit-style environment have left its "fingerprints" on me? And what about all these years? Yeah... these years growing up essentially alone... That's when I decided that I was going to ask a psychologist, but the problem was I didn't know one!
And this is where I was led, and my quest began...
I Was About To Find Out — so I thought...
A week later, at a social gathering, I was introduced to Joyce and William. Nice couple ... good people. In the midst of our casual conversation, I learned that Joyce was a practicing psychologist. Wasn't that timely!
Just like that, in front of me was the qualified person I was looking for who would answer all my questions about this lifestyle I had, my mother, myself, all the after-effects, and what to do—so, I thought. It was perfect!
I scheduled an appointment and met Joyce at her office. I was ready and anticipating this meeting and hear the bottom line of this crazy lifestyle, and be done with it! Well, so I thought that too...
Disappointment is an understatement. I left her office as I came in. Empty-handed, confused, and no idea what to do next.
She commented that even though I could clearly recall with great details all the facets of my story, I had emotionally dissociated myself from it. She asked me a few times how I felt. What was being triggered as I was sharing my story. Well, she had me right there! I could not feel any emotions. I wasn't feeling anything different than the usual. I was simply looking for answers to my questions. Obviously, I had lived in my tower up there (head-intellect) all this time without knowing it. The analysis paralysis syndrome. Finally, I said "I'm not sure what you're looking for." As I am writing this, I know now what she was looking for, and she was right, I had completely dissociated myself from what had been going on around me. In background and hidden from me, my inner volcano was gaining strength.
In other words, as the session reached its end, she explained that a mechanism of protection had dissociated my mind from my emotions. I was split, and most of the events in my life had been processed through my instinctual flight-or-fight response. Since I was rather more busy with fighting then flying, there was no time left to reflect on my feelings. I was not even in touch with the level of anger festering in me.
The phrase "dissociating my mind from my emotions" stayed and remain with me to this day. No wonder I was sick all the time. I was plagued with these vomiting spells that would last spell of vomiting until the wee hours of the morning. Stomach issues, cramps, name it ... I don't know how many times I asked to have my stomach checked for stones, or something! I had nothing. Each time the results came out normal.
Today, I am grateful for having met Joyce. The words she used opened the door that would lead me to a deep discovery of self, a solid understanding of the impact of hypnotic environment conditioning, find closure, and free-up my mind. When your perception changes from understanding how it works, the scene around you changes...
Now ... Let's Talk About You
Would you like to believe this can absolutely happen to you? How about waking up every day looking forward to your day with a zest for life? How many times do we try to change our lives and nothing seems to work?
Take my story and use it to fuel your willpower, your courage and determination. Trust this true story. Everything is a mindset.
Can it be that simple ?
It largely depends on you.
There is nothing in this world that would inspire me more than to hear that you used Scripting Your Way Out, and that you are free.
I invite you to experiment with the life-transforming power of a tool like Scripting Your Way Out.
I assure you that once you learn its valuable guidelines, your tomorrow, your life will never be the same.
You will never look back.
I would still be trapped, insecure, and afraid.